You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
