new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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