I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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