Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
