I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
