if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
