The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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