I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
