who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
