Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
