I think I am morally bankrupt
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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