There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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