bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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