I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
