Im at strip club and am horny
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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