Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This is the high leading the old right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize