There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
