quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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