I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
