is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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