ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
