i barfeds in our rink
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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