I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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