I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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