How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
