My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
