Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
