I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
high people should be assigned attendants
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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