I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
