Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
