We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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