1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
