cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
