Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize