We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
