It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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