The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
