its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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