I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
