Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
