i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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