when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have already put on my inside pants.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
