Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
