i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
