You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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