Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
