When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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