If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
