CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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