I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.