That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude