he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Green mimosas i think yes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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