I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dating After Heartbreak
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."