watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here