my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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