I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
