Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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