YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
