just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
