Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
