I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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