Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
