i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
