Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
