Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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