if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
