her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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