Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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