I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
