Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
