I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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