So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
