Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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