When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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