I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
