Apparently you make a good broom.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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