my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I could make wine with my vomit
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
