Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
