it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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