And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
